Bad ads #4

'Nuff said.

Bad ads #3

Well, We are back again, and who's this little fella?

He is the victim of a terrible campaign for an email targeting company and a campaign against rational thought and sense.

It is needless to say that physical benefits cannot be presented to users via email, but I will say it anyway.

It is needless to say that dogs don’t use computers; this one clearly has very little idea of how to type.

Anyway, enjoy the confusing piece of art attached and wait with baited breath for the fourth instalment.

It's all about who you know

It may be obvious, but fairly closed industries such as media are insular virtually to the point of incest. The industry really is about whom you know, not what you have to offer.

I often go to meetings where you don’t have an immediate ‘in’. If you have to introduce yourself at the start of the meeting, you invariably end up with little in return.

In fact you get to realise that in this mind bogglingly complex web of who knows who, you are a pawn used by others unless you aggressively collate contacts of your own.

Some people are competitive about how many LinkedIn contacts they have – I’m still not sure what you are supposed to do on LinkedIn apart from making a ‘connection’ with someone. Facebook sure as hell is more fun.

Some elder members of the media fraternity get competitive on numbers (or most likely quality) of the lunches they have been taken out for. And for the higher echelons of the business, the bragging goes on about jollies, premieres and parties.

For someone who has little interest in firing out business cards like bullets in the air at a Confederates pride BBQ, you get an eye for who is in media for the long haul. Who is playing the long gain? These people know they have to doll out enough pats on the back to get ahead further down the line and not just grab free gifts and lunches like a spoilt child.

It brought is all home to me when I came back from a constructive agency meeting and your bosses say:

Where have you been? . . . Who was it with . . . OOOOHHHHHH, I know them, how are they? Did you say hi from me?

Etc etc.

It is never the content of your work that is interesting to those in the long gain, just the connection made and how it affects their tally of back slap received to back slaps doled out ratio.

Organising your life at work

Everyone likes to organise their life at work, the two have become practically intertwined, but where do you draw the line? What do you owe to your job, and what does your company owe to you?

Many workers in this executives office can be heard on the phone calling nurseries, energy companies and banks at all times of the day without the sense that you should at least be discrete when sorting personal business on work's time.

It is difficult to fit personal admin into your life (especially if you work regular hours), but surely you have to try. Whilst I don't want to side with employers completely, it riles me that everyone thinks they are owed something by the company (on top of salary and employee benefits).

If you asked all the employees in the country if they deserve to be paid more based on their performance at work, at least 75% would say 'yes'. Yet obviously, three quarters of the population are not underpaid, but it is difficult not to fall into the precipice of malcontent yourself:

'I deserve a promotion'

'If only I got that 5k more'

The rat race demands that you are always chasing that elusive next step up the ladder.

Going back to moments that make you want to hide under your desk, that dull Tuesday afternoon when a colleague pipes up from nowhere above the clatter of fingers on keys with:

'How much bonus are we getting this month?" it kills me.

Whilst you have been working on some god-awful labyrinth of a spreadsheet for the last few hours, your esteemed colleague has been checking flights and thinking 'am I going to get paid enough to cover this'?

Surely we all know the line has to be drawn somewhere . . .

Moments when you want to hide under your desk # 1

We have all had them, the moments when you just want to hide under you desk and pretend you don’t exist. Not that you don’t work in your office, so that no-one can get hold of you – YOU DON’T EXIST. This is a first instalment of the many situations which make me feel like doing so.

Rounds of applause in the Monday morning meeting.

Your boss staring at you as they don’t have any work to do and are looking for inspiration

People claiming that they couldn’t live without eight and a half hour’s sleep.

Colleagues complaining about aching muscles from going to the gym by saying things like ‘oh my God, my legs are literally broken’

General exaggerations – ‘Can you die from drinking too much Mulled wine?’

Watching people stuff in sandwiches, cakes and any other foodstuffs at 5:29pm to avoid ‘getting too pissed or feeling terrible tomorrow’

Blaming technology failures – ‘My Blackberry keeps ringing totally random people’
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Promoting Creativity

Advertising is promoted as a creative industry. After all, that’s why we joined it.
Yet the operational reality of any job takes over. The creative tasks become impotent rather than important.

Spreadsheet, email, computer system, meeting.

Even designers and copywriters don’t genuinely ‘create’ ideas. They rehash old ones, or find a middle ground between two great things.

Admittedly, the subjects involved are more interesting than the latest developments in paint drying technology.

Companies’ attempts at promoting creativity in the workplace are usually pretty ham fisted. Doling out smoothies, ‘team building’ exercises (which aren’t bar tabs), wanky office furniture, putting TV screens with Sky News in reception. Whilst these make the office a little more bearable, they don’t give you flashes of inspiration required to make a major breakthrough in your work.

One creative touch common to most offices is the ‘break-out area’. An area designed for informal meetings and quiet time, but used for raucous lunch clubs and office naps. The problem with this area is that managers think it is below them to ‘break out’. It is simply an execs fraternisation area.

I’m not feeling too creative today. So I’ll leave you with this thought:

Why aren’t all offices decked out with armchairs, TVs and homely décor with a ‘work-out’ area. The serious work zone would see far more action than the pleather sofas used for snacking and snoozing are. That’s where the real creativity would take place.