The End

Hi all,

Just a quick note to say this will be my last post for Executive Summary.

I discussed many of the reasons for losing my anger at work passion for blogging about work in my last post. Essentially, whilst it has been a good vent, I didn't feel like I was getting a whole lot back for it, and I failed to connect with other frustrated like-minded office workers. It seems most of them are unhappy Americans called things like "@trappedinacube" and "@cuberage" on twitter.

They don't even seem that angry, just work-shy.

This blog seems to have had more visits, and people mentioning it to me since I stopped writing at the end of 2010. So whilst I don't know whether I'm doing the right thing, I feel like I covered most of the topics I wanted to (with the exception of funny out of office emails). Please feel free to continue perusing my previous posts, they are shit hot.

So long.


I've had a fun year of blogging. Watch this space for future developments.


Yours faithfully

Phil Charter. a.k.a Executive Summary.

The Christmas party

The Christmas party was still going on in his mind

It’s that time of year, where every mediocre pub / club and hall in London is full to the rafters with Christmas partiers.

For many, the Christmas party represents a much needed opportunity to let your hair down, and enjoy a few drinks on the company. Unfortunately, a few drinks on the company doesn’t impress us media types, as that is what is normally consumed every weekday lunchtime and evening. Media Executives go into overdrive at the Christmas party, trying to have a more extreme (pic) time than normal.
Here are some of the things that can be expected from tonight’s party:

• Excruciating awards or speech by senior management
• Scrabbling around for drinks tokens when they run out. Alternatively sucking up to anyone with a bar tab.
• A lack of food to aid the drunken embarrassment. After nearly 5 years in media Executive Summary can reveal that canapés are not, repeat NOT an acceptable substitute for dinner.
• Somebody letting themselves down on the dancefloor
• Somebody letting themselves down with Karaoke
• Incredibly competitive drinking. It is all about who can be the drunkest, not who can enjoy the party.

Xmas parties.
Not as extreme as extreme ironing



• Two people letting themselves down with each other.
• Someone getting stung for an £80 cab ride home.

• Someone being witness to a fight in a fast food establishment resulting in them giving a statement to the police. 

• At least two AWOLs tomorrow.

• Thursday groans, as photographs are discovered and uploaded onto the network.

There are also a host of characters that come out of the woodwork every Christmas party that don't see to be around all year.

Clingon - a newbie who clings to whoever they know rather than drunkenly introducing themselves to others in the company. Run away if you don't want to get stuck with them all night.
Work Talker - someone incapable of making small talk. Avoid them if you don't want three extra projects on your desk in the morning. You are drunk and will agree to anything.
Singstar - Will sing, scream and shout along to the music all night regardless of whether they have a microphone or an audience.
Store Room Guy - An old guy you haven't seen before. He looks tired, and like he might have respiritory problems. He must work in the store room or something.
Darth Vader - a.k.a The big boss. Walks around with purposeful yet plodding steps with a forced grin on. The grin is to entrap executives into slagging people or the company off before busting their asses the next day. At least Darth Vader won't enjoy the party, he's rather drive his Merc home and read in bed for 2 hours.
The Jocks - Whoopin' and hollerin' animalistic executives. Competitive drinkers, daring each other to pull the 'fat chick' before high fiving each other and shouting 'yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh'
The Desperado - Sad, lonely and drunk, these desperate individuals wander around an emptying floor at midnight looking for someone, anyone to make them complete. The Jocks run a mile.
The Dweebs - Nerdy gang sitting in the corner. No-one knows what their entire floor actually does.
The Queen - The girl that all of the Jocks want to get off with. A very powerful individual, and she knows it.

Sensible executives like myself will be avoiding as many of the aforementioned characters as possible, and that's why we need copious amounts of booze to enjoy ourselves.

So expect a hung-over and grumpy Executive summary to be rolling into work at 9:05 tomorrow (that’s right, even the punctual have the occasional slip), after going in search of a hangover cure that will include some or all of the following:

• A bottle of San Pellegrino sparkling water 
• A smoothie 
• Boost Guarana
• Vegetable pasty from Greggs
• Tesco ibuprofen (I want to get rid of my headache, but why pay £4.95 for Nurofen when you can get the same effect from a 60p box?) 
• Two Raw eggs with tobasco
• Candy Floss
• A morning bike ride
• A desk beer
• Kinder Happy Hippos

I’ll also be starting work on my hundredth and possibly final post soon.

Merry fucking Christmas.

ES

On the dot 2

Executive Summary hates lazily using these cheesy stock images. But what are you going to do about it eh?

A quick piece on timekeeping today after a combination of snow, trains and sleepiness contributed towards this normally punctual executive arriving for work 30 minutes late.

As we work longer each week in the office, hours are becoming more and more flexible. However, in a heavily trade driven business like media, there is still a strong 9 to 5 (thirty) 'on the dot' culture.

Whilst it is never easy to arrive perfectly on time every day, executives should at least try. It’s just that punctuality is not respected any more. Mobile phones have opened the door for excuses such as ‘I’m busy and running a little late’, when before these electronic comfort blankets were around, schedules HAD to be kept, and timings adhered to.

Office workers are picking up irksome habits as their jobs and functions become increasingly short term. They won’t come to meeting until you ring them down from their office as ‘they didn’t know if it was still on’, and upon giving deadlines people immediately assume they are falsely early ones.

Nothing can be scheduled at 9am or 2pm as people need at least half an hour to think up excuses for why they are late settle into work.

Executive Summary's favourite excuses heard for being late:


Don't be the boy who cried

'Wolf'. This man has been

out of work since 2004 and will

 probably respond to your call

The kids are ill – where is the proof? The truant inspectors will be around to see  little Johnny later.

• Broken Boiler– never rely on workmen, take an adult education course in plumbing, it will be quicker.
• Doctors appointment – health is always a thorny issue so maybe I shouldn’t go here. Upon hearing ‘being late’ excuses Executive Summary often suffers from an extremely itchy chin and is going to see a specialist next week.

Bike puncture: This is a fairly solid excuse. However, the minute you use the excuse when it is not true you will become the boy who cried Wolf.

Car wouldn’t start – this moderately priced Jetpack has been available to purchase since March 2010. I struggle to see why anyone drives anymore to be honest. (see video below)

Alarm failure – As Kramer said on Seinfeld, don’t rely on Alarm clocks. The best one is your natural sense of time. Throw your alarm clock away and it will take you three days to start waking up in a cold sweat and blind panic at 6 a.m. Perfect.

Problem with keys / clothes / pets or other inanimate objects – Mobile phones have applications and ways to somehow solve all of these problems.

Broken Mobile phone (or Jetpack) – there is no solution to this. Simply resign, your only hope now lies with the National Lottery.

Finally, how late do you have to be to apologise on a normal office day? 15 minutes at least right? It may be the pot calling the kettle black based on today’s performance, but this executive’s punctuality has never been commended or resulted in financial gain during a 5 year career. In fact, those who roll in at 9:10-9:15 every day are garnering around £800 per year in salary for the time they aren’t at work. In today’s workplace, can we live our lives by the clock? I don’t see why not.

It’s time for my 4:29pm daily coffee.

Signing off.

ES



Back slapping

ES has written a little in the past about the media old boys’ network. Every industry has one, but greasing is particularly rife in ad land.

For fear of getting into hot water over this thorny subject I’ll keep this post short and sweet. Ahhh, who am I kidding, the slimy media dinosaurs involved are too technically incompetent to read anything online, let alone know what a blog is, so ES remains in safety. They are too busy slurping red wine, chortling loudly and slapping each other on the back to take notice.

This is an issue that has been in the news recently as anti corruption laws come into force next year. Nobody seems to know what this will mean for the media industry. Will long lunches be canned? No more jollies? Not a chance! There is no way that any of this will be able to be enforced, so all of the concerned parties can rest assured they will still be able to tuck into a prawn sandwich or two in 2011.

See if you can distinguish between the things which have really been witnessed by ES in the industry and lies:

• Exchanging a media booking directly for a gift (£600 equivalent value)
• Agencies refusing to see media owners unless they bring gifts.
• 

  

  Lies lies porky pies
  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

   

  Volume deals (these are surely corruption, as companies make decisions based on financial gain, not client benefit).
• Agencies refusing to see media owners for lunch unless they upgrade the type of restaurant.
• Agencies ringing up different media owners asking for tickets for events at the weekend.
• Partners being allowed on skiing or foreign jollies. In what way is this for ‘business’?
• Inventing imaginary clients to enable drinks to be expensed.
• Old Acquaintances being given large contracts with no merit.
• Seats booked at charity galas / dinners when the business has no affiliation with the charity.
• Free media space given to friends at a cost to the business

 

(In the voice of Alan Partridge) – “I can tell you you’re wrong. They have all happened”

 

Executives are rarely the losers from such exchanges. We pick up the scraps such as chance encounters with Alf Stewart from Home and Away, Premier Tickets to Monster in Law II the revenge, and free promotional packs of Sanex unisex shower gel. Who can’t be happy with that little lot?

 

It is unfortunately the moral fabric of media executives that take a real pasting. In a short space of time, bright eyed graduates are turned into embittered, burnt out poor excuses for humans grabbing at anything they can. Every action must have a reward, and nothing is worth getting out of bed for . . . unless it comes gift wrapped.

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat, and by the goose I mean the media industry.

n.b. The media industry is unlikely to by killed, roasted and eaten as the goose will be.

 

ES.

In the know

Being in the know is great. There are always badly kept work secrets in every workplace, but add in the social butterfly media mindset, and you get an office rife with gossip. It is like the media office provides the perfect atmospheric conditions for gossip – Fast paced central London environment, under 30 workforce, industry built on communication, the awards, the old boy network, the back handers. Relationships, departures, arrivals, scandal and favouritism, Ad land harbours them all.

Once in a while you can by watching colleagues closely and extrapolate information really worth something. But whilst it is exciting having access to exclusive information, you don’t get anything from it unless you share it with a few select people. And that’s how the gossip loop keeps going.
Executive gossipers come in all guises, so here are a few of them:

The classic – Loves a good gossip. They will tell anyone anything. They would spread the news to some random on the tube just to get if off their chest. Will often exaggerate stories and rumours to get more people paying attention to them.

The trader – A good negotiator who only trades gossip for other information, favours or goods to colleagues.

Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?
Because he can’t. A Wrestling accident in 2004 left
the Hollywood star without a sense of smell.

Officials – Management gossipers who claim that all the dirt they are dishing is necessary for business and ‘official purposses’.

The Rock (pictured) – Hears a lot, says little. The rock will never divulge the information they here, and therefore gets little out of finding anything out.

Damn Liars – Worse than exaggerators. This sadistic lot love to make up lies about colleagues, many of which are funny and never backfire onto them.
n.b. Italics denote sarcasm. This is not a sarcastic annotation, it merely aims to help readers visualise what Italics are.

 Drunk Skunk - Usually a rock, refusing to get involved in the gossip game, but everyone has a kryptonite. Alcohol acts as a key to all of the interesting information they possess.

KIA (know it all) – Like a sponge for workplace news. They know everyone and everything. They know what, when and how it happened. KIAs have a bad habit of snubbing those they deem ‘not worthy’ of their news, and exploit there office knowledge to the full to get ahead / stay popular / kill enemies.

Out of the Looper – Opposite to the KIA, they live off scraps thrown to them by pitying colleagues. Often on the fringes of office life (IT, facilities etc).

Pleader leader – Will ask again and again for the information, never getting bored. They will resort to pleading, threatening and crying.

Next time you are going to spread the gossip, think about you get in return, and remember the consequences.

ES

Awards season

Firth - Clutching the winners trophy for the inaugural 'ambivalence award' at the recent GQ Men's awards. Readers professed to not understanding why he is popular.

It's award season! And I don't mean the Oscars, BAFTAS and all that. These awards aren't ones that anyone cares about (including most of the recipients). November signals the start of the party season, with awards dos, more lunches, parties and eventually the Christmas wind down (running from November 25th to January 11th).

I'm sure I'll manage a few more posts on the subject of party season anyway as my first year of blogging draws to a close. I'm aiming for 100 posts. Can I do it?

n.b. If I can't fill 100 posts with quality content, I will simply upload nonsense for the final few posts.

Firstly I realise that it is both ungrateful and bitter to moan about awards dos. A colleague professed to being annoyed and bored when a taxi driver mentioned that he worked three jobs and thought people worked in an office and got to go to posh awards events were extremely lucky.

In many industries you are lucky to get a few free drinks at the Christmas party held in a disused School Gymnasium complete with cheap wedding DJ Playing Slade, Wizard et al.

So working in media has some benefits. Or does it? Let's look at the positives and Negatives of awards dos:

n.b. This executive has been NFI'd (Not Fucking Invited) to all awards events this year. Please read the following as a completely object insight into the world of advertising awards as the analysis has nothing to do with being NFI'd. For this executive, industry experience seems to breed ambivalence from colleagues and peers, a bit like Mr Firth.

Negatives:
As an executive, the drinks reception is awkward from the off. You won't know many of the people their to talk to, but you'll know of them. They will all be terribly important and good people to network with. Networking sucks, this executive doesn't want to caught in a net with anybody, especially a bunch of haggard media wankers with diseased livers.

Speaking of the 'key players', they will make up around 30% of attendees. These media battle axes pop along to any crumby award event that their PAs can get them a ticket to. KPs know the layout of the Grosvenor House Hotel like the back of their hand. They have to network too you know! The other 70% are made up of shy mid level managers on a well deserved night out, and even more confused and timid executives making a bee line for the bar.

Networking can be pretty painful anyway as the keen mid managers try and allow their little executive chicks to fly the nest by introducing them to the key players. You can feel the grease virtually dripping from these slimy characters' hands. Key players can can smell an executive a mile off an will look through you as it you were a transparent steaming infected turd.

Some sights can make an executive angry, plain and simple. An example - the sight of media wankers with undone bow ties draped around their necks . . . before dinner. Honestly!

The menu always consists of the following:
Starter - Chunk of Goats cheese as big as a fist, with salad swimming in balsamic vinegar.
Main - Huge chunk of Chicken Breast with non decrypt white sauce and microwaved vegetables. The chicken is so dry you think that the Sahara desert has managed to climb into you mouth and leave behind the taste of corrugated cardboard.
Pudding - Large chocolate mouse that is too rich to sit properly with the 8 glasses of wine that you have already consumed.

So what about the awards?
Well, TV personalities and rent-a-joke comedians have to make their money somehow. I can't blame them. Writing jokes for the Dyson vacuum cleaner convention one night and the Travel Lodge budget Hotel awards the next ain't easy. But it doesn't mean we have to laugh at their crummy excuses at links between the never ending stream of awards.

I won't go into the awards themselves too much. Just the thought of how long they go on for makes me want to fall into a week-long slumber. Needless to say all of the 'accolades' are fixed / pointless / ridiculous / for sponsors only / pointless/ badly judged / confusing / pointless / and not real awards (delete as appropriate). The name of each award seems to get longer as the night goes on too:

"And now the award for Outstanding Excelling of Creative imagination concept under £100k for clients in the home furnishings category. Sponsored by Harvey's the furniture store in conjunction with MediaAgency.com and News International. There will be two highly commended and a bronze, silver, platinum and diamond winner for the category."

n.b. this award was won by MediaAgency.com for their outstanding creative concept on Harvey's where they putt an advertisement showing a family on a sofa in the Times.
Positives:

Going to these events justifies the expense of buying a Dinner Jacket outright for men, or a trip to the shops for a new dress for girls.


It's not water in that glass



All of the negatives drive people to hitting the booze hard. One thing is for certain, booze cures all in the media industry. Three champagne's slip down easily, followed by Red, White, then it's anybody's guess. You know the saying - 'Beer then wine is fine, wine then beer . . . oh dear!'

The night may end in embarrassing dancing, £80 cab rides and a recipe for getting little to no work done the next day, but at least you have the stories of debauchery, someone getting lost, losing money or more likely their dignity to look forward to the next day.

So in summary there are a lot more negatives than positives, and the lucky executives who manage to get a few crumbs from the awards table have every right to moan about how terribly inconvenient these things are.

Take that Taxi drivers!

Media wankers # 4

 

 

 

Bad ads corner #2

I'm not sure if this one has been included before. If so, ES apologises. To cut to the chase, Lighthouses are not for searching. They are for warning. A stationary, unmanned big torch to keep ship away from danger is not a great metaphor for an agency specialising in search. Magnifying glass, treasure hunt or map would be of more use here.

As much as I admire and enjoy the imagery of breasts, can they really be used as imagery for reaching capacity? Surely breasts like the ones pictured here can only grow surgically, unless they are those of younger girls (which would be creepy and illegal).

This is without doubt my favourite of the bunch. Who is this funny old man? A bit like Alexei Sayle in a box, or Patrick Stewart being bundled into a sack. This ad is supposed to be selling new, fresh data, yet chooses to use an older (and possibly naked) gentlemen in a brown paper bag (synonymous with ugliness and shame). Is he supposed to represent someone you want to reach as an audience (as he is happy), or someone you don't (as he is in a bag of shame).

Some classics in Campaign this week but I'll save that for another time.

ES

Casual day

A few posts ago, I said I would talk in greater detail about casual days. Obviously, after waiting with baited breath, you can now enjoy a brief glimpse into the executive wardrobe.

This executive does not work in a corporate office where wacky ties are on display every Friday and Mr. Manager comes in wearing slacks and golf shoes at the end of the week. But at least one person in the building seems very keen on charity, so whilst we don’t have an official once a week get-out clause from wearing our media monkey suits (open neck of course), the company does allow a few casual days a month.

The Robin Hood of the building charges £2 per time for the privilege of wearing comfortable clothes twice a month

So without further ado, here is just some of the characters and behaviour which can be found inside office walls in media land every casual day:

Smaj brigade – Sicken smart casual. Chinos chinos chinos, check shirts or polos. Why not go crazy yah? If its cold, top your ensemble off with a plain wool jumper tied around the neck, or a sports jacket.

The gigglers – Usually from a younger demographic, and find it a bit silly being with work colleagues when in everyday clothes. Meetings will descend into fits of giggles, and email responses will be brief, nonsensical and badly spelled.

The DGC (or Dressing Gown Crew) – Tired, sleepy, woolly yawnmongers who wish they could wear a dressing gown and slippers to work. They wear clothes for comfort not style including beige sweaters, jogging bottoms and big shoes. Their poor bodies are confused by what day it is and they need to get home to bed to read the paper.

Lunchtime guzzlers – Casual clothes are seen as by these individuals as a ticket to a double length lunch. Well, you have to let your hair down on a Friday right?

Friday gamers – Solitaire, quizzes, crosswords, desk toys, online flash games, you name it, they’ll play it. They are in their weekend clothes, so they are entitled to play as many computer games as they want. Clearly 6pm-midnight parked in front of the PS3 isn’t enough.

Hooded hoodlums – Some executives are a little too comfortable with casual day, and will wear a moth-eaten pair of skater jeans, broken shoes and menacing hooded tops. Sometimes, when you get into the lift on casual day with the HHs, you are ready to hand over your wallet and phone. This executive is all for letting it hang out, but there is no reason to come to work dressed as an ASBO making your colleagues feel like they work in a knife happy Moss Side estate.

The ‘Please sirs’ – It’s like it is the last day of term at school. ‘Please sir, can we go home at lunch?’ ‘Please sir can we go to the pub at 5pm?’ Casual clothes are often used as a bargaining tool for slacking via pleading with management.
Glad Raggers – Mostly (but not exclusively) female, Raggers love to spend time getting dressed up in all of their finery. They probably get up one hour earlier than on a normal workday to beautify. Be suspicious of their motives.

Jean switchers – Some people get away with fairly casual clothes most of the time. Girls in summer wearing flip flops, designers and creative types avoid the suit too. Casual day is a time to pay £2 for the privilege of breaking out the blue (rather than black) jeans.

Not taking part!
The forgetters – sometimes the droll work routine take a hold. Some sheepish executives forget what day it is and may claim to be a ‘too important’ (see below).
The ‘too importants’ – Pompous self inflated types who claim they can’t dress down as they have lots of important work to do. ‘Ooh I’ve got a hundred meetings today with senior contacts, I’m too busy.
The Skinflints - Refuse to pay, whether they take part or not. Lighten up guys, it’s for charity, it’s not like you have to hand over £2 every few days.

So next time someone asks you to pay £2 in order to dress normally, think long and hard about your choice of attire.

ES

The sales conference - day two

A Friday picture treat for you.

Try and get up to as much of this stuff as you can at the weekend.

- Team building task

sleep

Is this just executive bragging? Are any of these picture funny? Do they have much relevance to what actually went on? Who knows.

I'm afraid apathy is setting in as the week draws to a close. In fact, as day three was simply hours of pain in an airport followed by an uneventful flight, I might spare you the post.

Have a good weekend all, I'll see you on the other side.

ES

Monday thoughts

Monday morning and I am faced with this chart.

I contemplate whether to delete the word localism and insert 'suicide?'
The drilling and banging contiues, my mood worsens.

What did I do with my weekend? lethargy, apathy and dissappointment spring to mind.

Some random thoughts:

Multi-tasking should be embraced in the workplace. For example, it should not be considered rude to polish your shoes whilst in a meeting about industry developments.

Is a cinema a good location for a lecture / speach? The stench of pop corn and an overwhelming desire to holds hands with whoever is sitting next to you suggests not.

All office hover-ers should be made to stand in an empty room for half and hour a week. You know, people who think they are important enough to but into any conversation by hovering behind your seat. It is simply rude. To even the score half and hour of hover-ers time should be wasted in this futile gesture.

Blackberry desposit boxes shou be installed by the door of each room in the building. It is most infuriating when people in their own office are scrolling around on the little twit-machines. Gotta get that important update about a BA flight sale from Travel Zoo. Or perhaps it is Tesco, informing you that you can get double Clubcard points and Kleenex tissue this week.

Happy Monday

ES

A nice cup of tea?

Hot hot Drinks
Hot hot Drinks,
one ha' penny,
two ha' penny,
Hot hot Drinks

If you have no daughters,
give them to your sons,
one ha' penny,
two ha' penny,
Hot hot Drinks

A little bit of a tenuous link to a childhood nursery rhyme favourite, but this executive is in a vocal mood today. After 12 days straight of being in the company of colleagues, I am singing along to the beat of the hammer and the whine of the drill in reception (all whilst thinking` TFIF over and over again).

My Friday treat will not be a pint of ale, a pasty from the bakery, or a mid morning donut oh no.
It will be an in depth analysis of the types of ‘hot drinks’ indulgers in the office.

Tea is the most popular drink in the world in terms of consumption. Its consumption equals all other manufactured drinks in the world — including coffee, chocolate, soft drinks, and alcohol — put together

English bulldog – Proud of being truly addicted to tea. Will drink 8-12 cups of Breakfast tea every day. Bulldogs are the kind of people that start to shake and rattle during a 1 hour car journey as they haven’t got their tea fix. Likely to drink strong ‘builders tea’ and refer to it as a ‘brew’. Favourite biscuit – Plain digestive.

Tea slaves – the poor souls who job it is most often to do the tea round. However hard they try, they will forget someone’s preference (I WANTED 3 SUGARS!). There kettle skills will never be good enough for their demanding colleagues. Likely to settle down in a quiet corner with a weak milky brew. Favourite biscuit, Malted Milk.

The nay-sayers – People who don’t like hot drinks. Shunned from society, these bitter individuals will do anything to spoil a party and try and decrease others’ enjoyment of a relaxing cuppa. They drink water (because it is the most ironic drink to enjoy) and are overly smug that they have no caffeine addiction. When in a bar, they are likely to order a stupid cocktail that no one else has heard of, just to prove they know what it is. Favourite biscuit, Choco Leibniz

Coffee addicts – DO NOT speak to these people before they reach the bottom of their second cup of Kenco. They will not be able to communicate properly and may end up striking you as you are preventing them from drinking more coffee. Any brown, caffeine injected liquid will do. 6-9 per day. Favourite biscuit, hob knob

Fruit tea brigade (FTB) – Fruit tea has to have one weird ingredient. The FTB can’t enjoy Lemon, Raspberry or Blackcurrant without one of the following. Ginseng, Ecanasia, Ginger, Persimmon, Elderberry, Jojoba, Aloe Vera, Liquorice or Crab apple. They like to mix it up, and have a sweet tooth. Favourite biscuit, pink wafer

Posh ambitions – These guys love to try other types of tea. It is like every cup of earl grey or Darjeeling pushes them up the social ladder by one rung. Always take pleasure in saying that special teas are much more refreshing than normal ones. Favourite biscuit, rich tea

Mental Oriental – Green tea, Mint tea, Jasmine tea, or any other oriental infusion is sipped carefully by these drinkers. They will wax lyrical about anti-oxidants and the healing powers of herbal. Some believe tea to be the missing link in modern medicine. Favourite biscuit, none (they are full of poly-unsaturates)

The Starbucks Elite – Likely to spend £50 a month or more on coffee. It is seen as an essential part of the morning routine. Come 11 a.m. this merry band of spend-a-holic have to run out and flash the cash, even if there is good quality coffee available inside. It’s like a personal relationship between the coffee corporation and the bean junkies. Favourite biscuit, the little cinnamon / amoretto ones that come with takeout coffee.

Cadgers - only have a hot drink when offered to them – ‘Oooh, go on then, if you’re twisting my arm I’ll have one’. I’m not twisting your arm scavver, I’m being polite and making tea for others, you should try it sometime. Favourite biscuit, Penguins / TimTams

So Which ‘hot drinker’ are you?
Note the lack of normal (drink 4 cups of normal strength tea and sometimes make it for others). Normal is boring, and boring isn’t cool. Normal doesn’t exist in the world of Executive Summary.

I hope you enjoyed this little storm in a teacup , I’ll see you on the other side.

ES

Bonus factoid: Since 2007, Turkey has overtaken Britain as the number 1 per capita consumer of tea, drinking over 2kg per person per year. Come on Britain, let’s win back our crown.