Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Things that make you want to stop working in media



Here is a real example of something media executives have to put up with everyday. When looking at agency websites and industry sources, indigestible horse crap like to is swallowed all too easily by suggestible grads and broken old media war-horses.

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I've already said my piece on buzzwords and media luvvies, but sometimes something makes you sit up and think 'What the hell am I doing here?' I'm normal. I recently heard of a friend of a friend who is forced to take 30 minutes out of their day to go and sit in an 'imaginarium'. From what I can work out, this is a room where braying creative twats lay down for half an hour to digest the lunchtime steak and bottle of Beaujolais before declaring that they have had a cracking idea based around 'process' and 'passion'.


Here is another recent example of brain-meltingly pointless liquid bull shit. Stats and charts in media are more often used to confuse distract than to prove and explain. Us executives should know as it's us that have to dig out these nuggets of information and bolt them together whilst imagining you are on a beach and that St Peter will not hold it against you at the pearly gates.

I once heard an industry speaker claiming that '75% of all statistics are false' to a room of furiously scribbling journalists and agency brown nosers. He obviously missed the irony that his own statistic had a 3/4 chance of being utter crap itself.

Just take a minute to imagine how the poor junior designer felt when creating this infographic monstrosity. A pin striped crinkle-face was probably standing unbearably close smearing their screen with their tobacco stained fingers saying something like 'Move PPC a bit closer to SEO . . . no not that close!'

Some days, things get on top of you (Tuesdays are never the greatest). I've already been hit in the head by a football kicked the length of the office at lunch by an insufferable sales rep who spends more time than Gordon Ramsey trying to prove how big his testicles are.

Most disappointingly, no executive is safe from being turned wanky by the media world. Whilst I spend most of my waking hours finding faults in others I often find myself telling disinterested friends how much Cilit Bang paid for their spot in the middle of Coronation St, or that 500,000 recently interacted with a digital sign in Waterloo station.

Too leave on a higher note please enjoy this video of my friend's retarded dog on an escalator. I'm off on a sales conference this weekend and shall return with a full report next week.

video


Yours lovingly ES